If you’ve ever beaten yourself up for forgetting something important—a name, an appointment, or where you left your phone—this article is for you. For many neurodivergent people of color, this experience goes beyond simple forgetfulness; it can feel like a reflection of how others already underestimate us. But what if your forgetfulness wasn’t about your abilities but rather your body’s response to chronic stress?
Let’s talk about how stress and memory are connected and why this connection matters when seeking therapy that takes you seriously.
Stress and Memory: The Vicious Cycle
Stress is a natural reaction to challenges, but when it becomes chronic, it can hijack your brain’s ability to retain and recall information. Here’s why:
Your Brain on Stress:
Chronic stress floods your body with cortisol, a stress hormone that can disrupt the hippocampus, the brain's memory hub. This means that while you're trying to remember what you needed from the grocery store, your brain might already be overwhelmed managing your stress response.
Forgetfulness as a Symptom:
Forgetting a time difference, missing a name, or leaving keys behind aren’t signs of laziness or incompetence. These are red flags that your brain may be stretched thin, juggling stress with everyday demands.
How It Feels:
For neurodivergent folks, this can be compounded by sensory overwhelm, executive functioning struggles, and societal pressures to “get it together.” For people of color, layers of systemic stressors—racism, microaggressions, and being held to a higher standard—can amplify the burden.
Personal Stories and the Weight of Dismissal
I once forgot the name of my best friend’s boyfriend while living overseas causing a big fight. Another time, I scheduled a meeting without accounting for a time difference, creating chaos for everyone involved. Each time, I felt embarrassed, as if my forgetfulness confirmed the worst assumptions about me.
Therapists who don’t understand the intersections of chronic stress, neurodivergence, and systemic oppression might dismiss these concerns. You’ve probably heard, “Just use a planner!” or “You’re overthinking it.” But forgetfulness tied to chronic stress is not about poor time management; it’s about survival mode overriding your ability to focus and organize.
How Therapy Can Help
The right therapist will understand that forgetfulness isn’t a character flaw but a signal that stress needs to be addressed. Here’s what to look for:
Acknowledgment of Chronic Stress:
Seek providers who recognize the cumulative impact of stress on memory, especially for neurodivergent individuals and people of color navigating unique challenges.
Practical Strategies:
A good therapist will help you develop stress-reduction techniques while validating your experiences, not trivializing them.
Trauma-Informed Care:
Therapists who understand how chronic stress and trauma intersect with neurodivergence can help you unpack the weight you’ve been carrying, offering tools to lighten the load.
The Empowerment of Understanding
You are not “bad with names” or “flaky.” You are human, doing your best under circumstances that demand too much from you. Forgetfulness doesn’t define your worth or your potential—it’s a symptom of systems that don’t give enough space for you to breathe, to rest, to be.
Therapy, when done right, can be a space where your concerns are taken seriously and your experiences are treated with the care they deserve. Finding a therapist who gets it—someone who doesn’t jump to quick fixes or dismiss your stress as “normal”—is not just empowering, but transformative.
Next Steps
If this resonates with you, consider reaching out to a therapist who sees the whole you. Look for someone who honors your neurodivergence, understands the additional stressors of being a person of color, and equips you with tools to heal—not just cope.
You deserve care that values your experiences and acknowledges your brilliance, even on the days you feel forgetful.
Let’s redefine what it means to thrive under stress, one memory at a time.
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